Cursive

To those of you who actually know me, you know that it's been a relatively bad week.
Well, lets be honest, it's been a relatively bad couple of months.

Despite all the bad, all the tears,and all the sleepless nights this week, I did something I've always wanted to do tonight - I got to see Cursive play live.

I've been listening to their albums for years, memorizing their lyrics and spent many afternoons singing along at the top of my lungs.
I never thought, in my wildest dreams that I would get the opportunity to see them play live - or get to shake the hand of Mister Tim Kasher himself.

Upon arriving at the venue I was stopped at the first set of doors before the stairs.
Apparently they were doing a head count for the evening in case they reached capacity. I was a bit bothered by their persistence with seeing my ID. It normally gets checked at the doorway at the bottom of the stairs. I oblige them and head downstairs.
Upon reaching the landing I see someone sporting a "staff" shirt that I simply could've done without seeing. This guy is the biggest prick I've ever met and I'm unsure why the owner (and my friend) hired this guy for the show. I'm hoping he's not a permanent fixture.
Although there's another bouncer/staff at the door, Mr.Prick decides that my bag needs to be checked. There's no reason for this other than to get an excuse to touch me, my things and perhaps attempt to exchange words with me.

I oblige his request because I have to and open my bag. He starts to dig through it rampantly as though he's looking for something in particular. The only things in my bag are:
-"The Ugly Organ" by Cursive on LP
-My wallet
-My house keys
-A permanent Marker
-Camera
-Lipgloss
That's it. Nothing else.
So explain to me why he was digging in my bag for almost 5 minutes?
I got sick of this bullshit, pulled my bag away and told him he was done.
Threw my ticket at the one guy, got a stamp from the other and headed towards the bar.
Figured I may as well grab a beer if I have to wait another 30 mins for Cursive to take the stage.

The show was AMAZING.
Everything I could've hoped and dreamed.
But it didnt' stop there.
After they were done the set I waited patiently.
I needed to meet them. I had waited for years to shake Tim's hand & tell him that I think he's a lyrical genius. I couldn't miss this one opportunity.

One girl and some indie hipster idiot were bothering/talking to him so I stood quietly, starry eyed with my LP in hand waiting for a clear moment to grab his attention.


He seemed relieved when he saw the LP in my hand and was a pleasure.
We talked, I shook his hand and blubbered about how talented I think he is.
He even got the rest of the band to sign it for me, with the exception of the drummer because he was MIA somewhere.
Regardless, it was a good evening and one that I needed right now.
I only wish ***** could've been there, I know he would have appreciated it. :(

Regardless, here's my newest addition to my LP wall of fame that resides in my apartment.
She will never be played again.

Marilyn Manson live webcast tonight

I got sent a link to a live Marilyn Manson webcast tonight.
I was terribly excited since there are so many pending questions that he hasn't answered or gone public on, from information about the new album, to Ginger Fish leaving the band, to his new book, to the new band line up to his new union with Cooking Vinyl.
It's also been a while since I've seen him in a real interview and not just a clip from a public outing.

I logged in and started watching.
I wasn't impressed at all but figured it would get better....
so I kept watching.
and watching.
An hour went by.
Still not an actual conversation or any actual questions got asked.
It was more like watching a home video of you and your friends have a "philosophical" conversation while drunk about the universe and it's meaning. I remained faithful that he would eventually get to the point and let us all know the answers to the many pressing questions.

But he never did.
Nothing ever happened.
It was the biggest waste of time I've ever experienced.

I can't seem to shrug the feeling of disappointment I'm feeling regarding the entire situation.
How can it be that nearly 17 years later he's managed to completely revert back to the immaturity I would have expected from him in the beginning? Even back in '94, he never would have presented himself in such a way.
It was disappointing that he didnt' take advantage of the captive audience he had. At one point there were over 3000 viewers watching. That's 3000 fans desperately grasping for information.
Needless to say, there are over 3000 people who closed the link and said "WTF?".
It would have been a great opportunity to promote the new album, and to promote his new book.
Instead, he choose to piss it away (Piss being the topic at one point).

Another thing that is making me feel uneasy is his appearance.
Not so much just his, but a reflection on myself. He looks so much older, in every possible way.
So tired.
And it made me think about how much I've changed since I started listening to him when I was 13.
I've got stretch marks, spider veins, wrinkles and have noticed the increasing visibility of my veins on the surface of my hands -a definite sign of aging. It's really scary the more I sit and think about it.
I realize that worrying about something I can't avoid or change is in vain.

But back to the real topic at hand...
The webcast.
When the "interview" ended I found myself just sitting here staring at the screen.
Was that really all there was?
A bunch of yelling, jumping around and pointless gibberish?
I really expected more.
If this is a sign of the type of attitude that's going to be coming forth on the new album, then for the first time in 17 years, I might not be interested.